3 Thing Guys Shouldn't Say or Do

* This might be considered by some to be PG-13. * 

I don't know about you, but for some reason lately I've encountered a lot of...well...boorish male behavior.

Why? I don't know...maybe it's the moon? Maybe it's cause they're in college and they feel like they can do whatever they want? Or maybe they still feel superior and entitled to any woman who tickles their fancy (haha).

Either way, for some reason recently it's been just shoved in my face. Whether it's some comments on Yik Yak* saying "I need a hot girl to hook up with tonight and be gone by morning", a guy I pass in my dorm who looks me up in down and says "How you doing, baby?", a guy telling me that he LITERALLY thought that men were superior to women because men were stronger (hahahaha), or being cat called to just walking down the street (<- that one insures you the finger).

Some day I will post my theories on why BOYS** do these things, but today I'm just going to stick to the basics.

Boys, here are 3 things NOT to do when you see a girl you think is hot or 'bang-a-licious' (yes, that word is a thing).
~~
1. Cat Calling
I know this might be hard for some boys to understand, so let me make it simple for you.

Girls are not animals. That means we are not cats. Because we are not cats, we do not like to be referred to as such. 

Whistling to a woman does not make us feel empowered***. It personally makes me feel cheap and looked at as a piece of meat. When a guy cat calls to me, it automatically gives me 'rape-vibes' and in general just makes me extremely uncomfortable AND annoyed.  

I'm annoyed because when a guy does that to me, I know he doesn't respect me as a person. All he sees is a pair of breast, an ass, and something that is going to give him 'pleasure'. He doesn't care that I have dreams and aspirations, he just cares about who he is going home with that night. 

So all in all, cat calling...don't do it. It's not cute. We're not flattered. 

And if you do it to the wrong person and they are close enough, they might slap you. 

2. Calling Her 'Baby' When She is in Fact Not Your 'Baby'
One of my BIGGEST PET PEEVES.
Guys, if a girl is not your girlfriend, a good general rule is to not call us your 'baby'.
Cause we are in fact...not.

Personally, when you call me baby and you are not my boyfriend, it makes me what to punch you in the face.
I'm a strong, independent, young woman. I'm 18 years old, about to turn 19. What I am not is a new born child that has just come out of my mother's birth canal that needs protecting because I LITERALLY cannot defend myself.

Now, yes, my boyfriend (*waves* Hello, darling) can call me baby if he wants to. For many couples it is a term of endearment. However, when someone calls me 'baby' that is NOT my boyfriend, my alert automatically goes up. It sets off my 'creeper radar'.

Because if you can't recognize that I am in fact a woman and not a small child, why would I want anything to do with you?

3. Pressuring
Why this even has to be talk about is beyond me. Shouldn't boys know by now that it's not cool? When a girl is pressured to do ANYTHING sexual, they feel used. Unwanted. Unappreciated.

And don't you DARE tell me that you 'really need it' and you can't keep it in your damn pants because you're 'so horny'. If that is the case, you need to be locked away because you're a danger to yourself and all of society.

Don't you DARE tell me that it was just because you were drunk and didn't know any better. If you do that when you're drunk and 'can't control yourself', I'll say it again --

you obviously need to be locked up because you are a harm to yourself and all of society. 

You also apparently don't give a rats ass about the girls feelings either, because like I said before it makes us feel worthless. You are telling us through your actions that you do not care that we are a human being that has emotions and dreams...all you see is the body.

And that can really, really mess a girl up.
~~

While there are many more things that you just shouldn't do, these are the ones that really needed to be addressed.

If you are one of those people who think that 'women's rights' are all solved and a thing of the past...you really need to look at the world around you. While the US has made gigantic head way, boys are obviously being taught that it is okay to do these things.

And in different parts of the world, women have no rights at all.

So while you're probably sitting there and thinking how annoying feminists are or  that is just another "feminist post"...think of WHY we still need posts like this.
Think of the reason WHY I felt the need to voice my opinion on the matter.

As long as I have to keep fighting to be looked at as an individual that has to fight for her rights because a LONG ASS TIME AGO a white man decided that a woman's place was in the kitchen, you better believe I will be a feminist and I will make post like this one.

* for those of you who don't know, Yik Yak is an app for college students. It's totally anonymous and people pretty much post whatever they want....
which of course is 9 times out of 10 sexual. 
** I'm calling them BOYS because if you do any of these things you obviously have not reached the title of 'man'. You may be 40 years old...but if you still do these things then you are still considered a boy to me (and gross) 
*** Some women might feel empowered by this. But the women who are flattered by this are not the women you want to marry. 

The Expiration Date

Since moving in two weeks ago, I've tried countless times to write about my experiences in college. I literally have 3 different drafts in the vault...but I always got stuck. I don't really want to talk about it yet (though yes, one of the typical "The College Skinny" post are going to come).

Well, after bawling my eyes out for the last hour, I finally decided what I really wanted to talk about.

Long Distance.

It sucks.

And everyone seems to think there is going to be an expiration date.

One thing I've encountered quite a bit while being up here is seeing people either roll their eyes when you say you have a boyfriend, or they get this look on their face that's sympathetic and kinda says "oh honey..we'll see how long that lasts".
And while no one has directly said this to my face (thank god, cause I would have punched them), Ive also heard of the comment "she's going to find someone so much better in college".

Okay, first of all rude .
Who are you to say that the person she is dating is not right for her? Are you her? are you in her relationship? I think not. (BTW, the people in this scenario are now happily married now. So suck on that, nay sayers)

As you're reading this, if you're 21 or older, single or have had a bitter break up, or if you're a teeny bopper that thinks you know everything, you're probably sitting there reading with a smug smile, giving me a pity laugh and thinking "You poor girl, you'll be eating your words soon".

And then people automatically start putting bets on the expiration date.

Here's a few reasons why that's messed up.

Firstly, you don't know the person's relationship with their significant other. For example, everyone fights. If you spend everyday with a person they're going to sooner or later get on your nerves or you're going to have a disagreement with them. So just because you heard of a fight this couple just had, does not by any means mean they're going to break up. Sure, it happens. But not all the time.

Secondly, you're betting on a persons happiness. (Now if the said person only dates for sport and they don't really care if they break up with their boyfriend/girlfriend or not...they just shouldn't be in a relationship anyway. That's stupid.)I know many couples who would be devastated if they split (myself included). And that's just incredibly harsh to hope that kind of pain on them.

Thirdly, you're probably doing it out of your own bitterness. I know, because I used to do it. If you're single or just gotten broken up with, you're going to be understandably upset and that's okay. But don't take other people down with you. Someday you're going to find that person, man or woman, that means the world to you. It sucks that you have to wait sometimes, but it's worth it.

Another thing that is incredibly sad is people also automatically assume (now let us all remember what 'assuming' means) that one person is going to cheat on the other person. Why have so many people given up on pure love? Lust is just that -- lust. It's nothing but the carnal need to have sex with someone. If you're too weak to substance from that when you're not with you're significant other, you obviously don't need to be in a relationship. If you start having feelings for someone else...tell you're boyfriend/girlfriend. It sucks, but it happens.
But just because some do it, doesn't mean that all of us do.

With all that negativity -- there is hope.

I've known many couples who have had to be long distance (one of them being a VERY long distance) and they're now either happily married / with each other and incredibly happy. A lot of military spouses / significant others have to go months without seeing their loved ones...but they still hold true.

When you find a person that loves you for you and doesn't care about all your little quarks and doesn't mind that you literally squeal and repeat "puppy, puppy! I want a freaking puppy" every time you see a dog (...sorry, babe), why would you give them up?

This coming week will be the longest time I've gone without seeing Jeremiah. It's going to SUCK. However, when I see him in two weeks it's going to make it so much sweeter. We're going to have an amazing weekend because we now hold every moment that we get to spend with each other very dear.

So here's to long distance. While I know that this post is a little rant-ish, pretty sappy and kinda sporadic here and there, but I couldn't help but write this. Nay sayers are going to nay say, but that's okay.
If you're like me, you're always looking for an opportunity to prove someone that doesn't believe you can do it wrong.

So let's prove them wrong.

Seasons of Change

I've always been the type of person to be very wary of change.

I've moved quite a bit in my life (not as much as the older members of my family, but still more than most), so I'm accustom to that kind of change. You just have to roll with the punches and hope that everything is for the best.

The first move I remember was from our home of 4 years in Tennessee, to our home in Shelby that would be our home for the next 9 years. I'm sure I was upset at the time, but I was in 2nd grade. After the first year in Shelby, I wasn't that sad anymore.

When we were moving to Marion, however, I do remember being very nervous, but excited. I didn't have the best childhood in Shelby and I was looking for a change...a place to finally fit in. I was just ready to come to Marion and see all that it had to offer (...which turned out to not be much, but the things that it did have to offer were top notch).

A lot of people complain about our little town. It's slow, there is nothing to do after 5:30 most days (unless you want to eat at one of our many Mexican restaurants) and virtually nothing to do on Sundays.

However, these are the things that made me fall in love with this small mountain community.
--
Foothills Community Theater
God bless those people. This group helped me through some very hard times, whether they knew it or not. After you do one show with us, you're in. You're in a {frankly} quite eccentric, odd, loving, caring, loud, happy, dramatic family.

They have helped me grow in not only my acting and singing, but also helped me see into different walks of life, and to just accept people as they were.

And I wouldn't trade that family for anything. I won't get to do anything with them this year, but I will try my damnedest to get to all them and support the theater.

First Baptist Church of Marion
Now, if you're involved in any church, I'm sure it's great for you.
But to be honest, I think my church is the best.

Why? When I first got to FBC, I had a very negative view of church (I still kind of do, but FBCM gives me hope). I hated it and just didn't want to be there. But after being there for a few weeks, getting to know the youth and the 5 other awesome people in my grade, I was sold.

No human is perfect. Therefor that means no church is perfect. There are always going to be differences of opinions, someone is not going to like the carpet and if the service goes "too long"* then someone is going to get antsy and complain about how it's too lengthy.

However, in my opinion, a lot of people at FBCM strive to set aside all those small details and focus on why they are really there. They welcome new people with open arms no matter what they are wearing, never {openly}** passing judgment. I might not be the most religious person, but that gives me hope that out there there are other churches that do the same.

The youth group also became my favorite place to be. With the exception of a few friends at school, they are the people I will miss the most. They are my sisters and brothers. We have all cried and laughed together and I will never forget them as long as I'm on this earth.

Crooked Door Coffee House
This is a place you can find me almost everyday of the week. I started going there when I was in 10th grade with my best friend (*waves* Hey Jordyn!) who often rode home with me to work on math while my mom was out getting groceries.

{to be honest....we rarely did our homework}

I started going there so much (especially now that I have a car) that I can just walk in and they pretty much know what I'm going to get. It started to become my second home, especially during the winter months.

During those months, Jordyn (hey, again :P) and I started to sing at their open jams. I was never very confident in my voice or in my improvising skills, but being at those jams and getting to sing really helped me grow in my confidence.

I've met some of my {now} best friends there, andddd I also met my boyfriend there at one of the jams (; So yes, that place is very special to me.

My friends
This one is more personal than the others, but just as important.
Before I moved here, I had never really fit in. For some reason, I had never felt accepted or appreciated.
However, when I moved to Marion, everything changed.
Everyone was so nice.

Now, people that went to MHS with me are probably rolling their eyes right now because they are thinking of someone in our class that wasn't nice to them/ that they didn't like. When you're all put into one high school, you're going to have that. Everyone one has different opinions and some of those people think their opinion is always right -- and by god, if you have a different opinion, you might as well be the devil in that persons eyes.

HOWEVER, you'd be surprised at how many open minded people there are. And how people stick up for one another when it comes down to it.
{And lord help if someone outside of MHS talks shit about our school. We go there - we can complain about it - and we do... a lot. But if you don't go there and you say something bad about it (especially the football team)... Jesus help you).

Almost every year, I had a different group of friends that I hung out with. With that being said, I still consider the people that I was really good friends with my 10th grade year as friends. All the friends that I made over the 3 years are still very dear to my heart and I will never forget any of them. They taught me that it was okay to be myself and people will accepted you anyway.

--

What I've learned is that if you don't get involved in a few things in your community, then yea; there is nothing to do. So you can sit there and keep complaining, or you can get off your ass and make the best of what's around you. Is this the most exciting place to live? Of course not. We live in a small town, guys. But if you actually look at what there is around you to do, there are quite a few things, there are a ton of places under an hour away that you can easily get to.

As I get ready for college this week, I'll have these things in mind.
I don't even hate to admit it -- I'm going to miss this place.*** Even though I'm only going an hour away, I'm still going to miss not being here with my friends and family. These three years {for the most part} have been awesome and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

So with that, I bid Marion farewell.

It's been real. It's been fun. It's been real fun.

*I won't make this a long rant, but just know that that will be a blog post at a later date.
**I say "openly" because people judge all the time. They do it without meaning too. I do it, and you're a liar if you say you don't. However, at FBCM I personally have never witnessed anyone whispering about a new comer or about giving them dirty looks.
***Understand me now -- I am not, by any means, saying I will miss the high school. Cause I won't. I'm a much happier/nicer person now that I'm out. I'm just saying that I will miss Marion the place and the people who inhabit it.

5 incredibly annoying things people say about my tattoos.

By now, it's no shock to people I have tattoos.

Why it was a shock when I got my first one in the first place, I have no idea.
I mean, come on guys. I've been talking about them since I was 8. Do you know how much trouble I used to get in because I would draw on myself? Mom finally gave up when I was 15 (after around 7/8 years of me doing it, she finally realized I was not going to stop).

Over the last several years that I've talked about getting them/ months since I got my first one (I have 3 now, if you don't know), I have formed a list of things that are INCREDIBLY annoying when you hear them repeated 300 billion times. I don't know why people think they are so clever when they think up ways to insult my tattoos...it's all been said before, trust me.

1. "You're body is a temple for God. He wouldn't like you to ruin it"
By far the most annoying. Honestly, part of my wants to be tatted up in spite of all the SBC women who have told me this. 1st of all, sure. My body is a temple. So why not decorate it?
Secondly, (as I will probably say many times during this post) It's not your body. Therefore, not your concern.
Thirdly, I highly doubt that God cares I'm tattooing my body. Pretty sure he has bigger and better things to worry about. Also, my God would be sitting there with me, holding my hand through it.

My God is pretty cool.

2. "You're going to regret that when you're older"
Probably the most common, honestly. I've gotten that BEFORE I got a tattoo, and even now when I have three.
Contrary to {apparently} prior believe, I'm not a dumb ass. I actually think before I get tatted. I contemplate what I want and what it means to me. Sure, somethings I want to get tattooed on me just cause I think it looks pretty.
It's not your body. Therefore, it is none of your concern
All three of my tattoos as of now mean something to me. I highly doubt that meaning will change when I'm 70/80.

3. Those are going to look ugly when you're older
Pretty much the same thing as #2, but a little different.
Now, lets look at this realistically. No one in their 80's looks like they do when they were in their 20s. No one in their 30/40's looks like they did in their 20s. So of course my tattoos might look a little different when I get older, but so will I.
and in my opinion, I will be a badass old woman who is tatted up!

4. You won't get a job with tattoos
This one really bugs me too. If an employer has an issue with my tattoos and only looks at that and not at my ability to do my job well, then I don't want to work for them anyway. They're obviously small minded.
Also, times are changing. People don't care as much as they used to.

5. You're such a pretty girl to ruin your body with tattoos
This is kinda like #1, but not really. This one REALLY gets me.
First of all, let me state this again -- It's not your body. Therefore, not your concern.
Secondly, since when can I not be pretty AND have tattoos? Tattoos make me feel more beautiful, actually. Because it's like I'm decorated.
If you don't think I'm pretty with tattoos, that's honestly your problem.

I'm sure my fellow tatted brethren have heard all these before, if not some different ones that are just as annoying.

So, please. Before you say anything, look at this and see if it has been said before. Trust me, we don't wanna hear it again {nor do we ever wanna hear it, honestly}. We don't care. If we cared, no one would have tattoos and the world would be less beautiful.

And please always remember...

It's not your body. Therefore, not your concern.

Mr. Foot-in-Mouth Smith

The last couple days, I've been hearing about the ESPN anchor Stephen Smith and how he defended the actions of the Baltimore Raven's running back, Ray Rice.

Now, mind you, I don't really give a rat's ass about sports. I don't get into football, don't really care about basketball, and the only sport I will sit down and watch with my daddy is PBR (call me a redneck if you want).

So to say I watch ESPN is a lie. A huge lie. But when I heard about this talk-show, debate thing, I decided to suck it up and watch it.

What Smith has is was what some people call "foot in the mouth" disease. He just seemed to not know when to stop, especially on his twitter (you can only put 140 words for a reason folks. Might as well stop while you're ahead). But because he is {apparently} a big name in sports, his words have weight, right?

wrong.

And bless his little heart, Smith really tries to apologize and not seem like a pig. He tries to cover up his tracks by saying on his twitter "...but be clear, I wasn't BLAMING women for anything. I was simply saying to take all things into consideration for preventative purposes. Period."

While saying that is all nice and peachy, it's still not good enough.

There should be no "[taking] all things into consideration"

To even ENTERTAIN the idea that a woman provokes violence against her is completely BOGOUS. A woman shouldn't have to worry every time that she goes out that she is going to be attacked because of something she does.

....when did that even become a problem? What man got so power hungry and pig headed that they decided that it was the woman's fault?

It's really hard for me to even form a thought about this, because it is so ridiculous to me. How in the world could it be the woman's fault? How could being victims of violence be ANYONE'S fault?

If a man cannot control his actions because of what a woman is wearing/what she says, he should obviously be locked away because he is a danger to himself and to society.

But no. For some reason, people decide to turn their heads and cover their eyes to the violence. Because they don't want to look at the reality of what's happening.

Well, people. It's time to start looking and acting. Women have been fighting for FAR to long to get equal rights. To say that that fight is over and we won is stopping too soon. If comments like Smith's are still being made, if women are still looked at as objects and not beings, that means that some men still think they're superior and that means our fight isn't over.

It's time for equality.

Some People Raise Their Hands at Christian Concerts, I Raise Mine at Rock Concerts

As the title suggests, we all know those christian concerts were everyone has their hands up in the air, praising the Lord.

(Awesome post that perfectly describes the people at said concerts)

While that's an awesome way to worship, I've never felt totally comfortable doing that. During my 3/4 years at Caswell Camp, I always {personally} felt a little pressured to do it, since all my friends were doing it. So I never really did it for the right reasons, never really feeling what the rest of my campers were probably feeling.

However, for the last two years I've gotten to experience this wonderfully, eye-opening, slightly scary {in my poor, sheltered sister's opinion} all day concert called Warped Tour.

Warped Tour is for all those who enjoy alternative music {aka, screamo, punk, ect. Call it whatever you want} and during the majority of concerts, a mosh pit will form.

For all of you who do not know what a "mosh pit" is, here is the definition .

As Urban Dictionary perfectly describes, a mosh pit is where you can pretty much push, punch, stomp on who ever is in your way, and get away with it.
No one will be offend (except for little 12-14 year olds who are at a SWS concert) by these actions, cause their all doing the same thing.

For me, I feel like yesterday I experienced something that christian's often experience at their concerts.

Being able to get all your anger out (and lets all admit, I'm a pretty angry person) like that and it being totally expectable is freeing. I've always been very destructive while angry, and this was a very positive way to get out all the anger I had. Everyone, while in the mosh pit, was smiling and having the time of their lives, while totally tearing shit up.

Which in my humble opinion, is quite amazing/awesome.

Another thing that really touches me is that these bands actually care about their audience. More than once, the lead singer would thank the crowd and and tell them how much they loved them and how much they cared about them. And how caring people are in the crowd. If someone falls down, if someone gets hit in the face, you'll have at least 5 people picking you up/asking if you're okay.
These are supposed to be "punk hard-asses".
To be honest, they are more kind and understanding than the majority of christians I've met, who are supposed to be the most caring people in the world.
(^^ Call me cynical if you'd like, but we all know that it's true. I'm not saying all, just some.)

Even though I {am} sunburnt and tired as all get out, I've never felt more free. It's like all that pushing and punching and sharing that camaraderie with 1,000 other people is so freaking awesome.

With that being said, my Warped Tour experience was amazing. Not only did I experience that feeling of complete freedom, I was also there with some of my best friends, one of whom moshed right beside me. I met a lot of people, found out that I was a lot stronger than I thought I was (lifting people over your head that are crowd surfing is never an easy task), and listened to some awesome bands I'd never listened to before (Go check out We the Kings, Parkway Drive and Issues - they're great and put on an awesome show)

My awesome BFF who moshed with me at every concert

Got to be reunited with one of my old best friends

got to be painted and walk around like a dirty hippie - which is kinda like my dream

Issues from that day (my phone died at 12 o'clock that day, so all this was taken by someone else)

I really wish everyone could experience something like this, because it is really something to be seen. I really challenge everyone to at least go to a rock concert, or even Warped Tour 2015 and just embrace the culture of it.

Because I find myself pretty hilarious and interesting...

"I have a thing for words.
I'm a logophile with a latent talent for foot in the mouth disease.
I aspire to speak beautifully, but usually end up tongue-tied or blurting out the wrong thing.
Eighteen to twenty-four hours later, the perfect one-line zinger will dance across the stage of my brain.

It's a talent, really."

I've always wanted to be a writer. If you knew me as an adolescent (god bless you if you did), you'd know that I was always trying to write the next amazing YA novel. I went from spies, to Dragons, to Vampires (thank you, Twilight)...then I gave up. I felt like I wasn't any good and that I would never be published, so why would I ever try?

Here's the difference between then and now -- now, I don't give a shit.

Writing is a passion that I'm bad at, but love to do anyway. People can often find me furiously scribbling in my notebook at the local coffee shop, spilling out my frustrations about the injustices in today's society.

I've always been one to want to share my ideas. I love to talk and to brainstorm about what life really means and what it means to live a long and happy one.
I see people share their opinions on Facebook all the time ( * que eye roll *), and I started to think...why not me?

This blog will be about my experiences in college (like many college freshman starting blogs) and just random rants I decide to go on.

-- So here is my attempt. --

My opinion might not be a popular one - growing up in the bible belt has taught me that. However, the time of change is coming. The voices of the people who are still not getting equal rights are rising and they will not be silenced anymore.

So here is my disclaimer.
I have a sailor's mouth. This is my blog, you've been warned.
I'm quite liberal -- conservative family members ~ beware
I'm pretty blunt with my opinions and {I know} I'm right 99.9% of the time. If you wanna argue, cool, but I will fight to the death. (You can ask my parents or my boyfriend for confirmation on that one.)

Watch out world, Holly Miller has officially started blogging.